It Is Done

For the life of me, I have no idea what possessed me to sign up for the workshop part of the writing conference. I don't know what entices me to show my writing to anyone - ever. The Last Dance has never been read by anyone, but me, and there is some safety in knowing that. Of course, I should probably admit that I have never shown it to anyone because it is flawed, not greatly, just in general.

Although, I suppose, all of my other four novels are flawed as well and, yet, I have still shown those all to other people. Ugh... I should probably keep my writing to myself in the future.

Why all the angst?

Because today was the deadline to send in ten pages of my latest work. Along with ripping through my three synopses (that all serve a different purpose) yesterday, I also ripped apart those ten pages three different times in the course of the day...each time attacking the piece from a different angle. I targeted the cliches, altered the sentences where prepositions showed up at the end, reworked sections where I drop too much back story or where I detailed the everyday occurrences that ought not be detailed, etc, etc, etc.

In between editing, I purposefully did something else to stimulate my mind, to recharge it so I could tackle the work again. I watched a Finnish movie, read a chapter in an economics textbook, and listened to Duke Special on youtube.

And today, I printed copies and headed out into the rain, to go to one of my most hated places on earth - the post office. Once the postal worker received the strictly sized envelopes, I had my heart seize within me. I thought about climbing over the counter, stealing back my package, and running home to safety. But seeing as how the counter at the post office is as high as my chest and I had neglected to bring climbing ropes, I had to let it go. There is simply no going back now. It is done. What will be, will be.

The conference is in just a few weeks and I am very excited. I am going into this experience with the idea that I will be the least trained writer in the building. (Yes, I technically got my B.A. in a form of writing but broadcast writing and creative writing are completely different beasts.) I plan to go to learn and improve on the skills that I have cultivated in solitude over the last decade of practicing. And at the end of it, I might just take a long, peaceful, well-deserved nap.